Written by Gene Zarnick | 22 September 2009

There's a lot of athletes out there who seem like they like to play both offense and defense, if you know what I mean.  It seems like a sensitive subject in sports to talk about athletes being gay so I try to stay completely away from this social issue.  I mean I don't want to be the the one who outs these athletes, most people can figure out some of the tendencies on their own.  So instead of giving you my insight on an issue that is off guards to all I will discuss the athletes most likely to have a gay son.  Not that I have a problem with anyone having a gay son.

#10 - Dwayne Wade

Maybe Wade is just a little bit to fashion saavy for my liking, but this guy doesn't walk out of his house unless his shoestrings, belt buckle, band-aid on his face, and the hue of his hair matches.  I just hope he doesn't have his son dolled up in Ed Hardy Pampers.

Gay Son Chance:  20%

#9 - Tyler Hansborough

Maybe I'm biased since I'm a Duke fan.  Okay, I'm definitely biased since I'm a Duke fan, but Psycho T just seems like a likely candidate.  Maybe it's just him being from UNC since he's used to hanging around a bunch of dicks.

Gay Son Chance:  30%

#8 - Brady Quinn

Any male named Brady gets a boost to the percentage immediately.  Any guy from Notre Dame gets another percentage boost.  Brady just seems a little too dapper, especially for a city like Cleveland.  I will drop the percentage a little since he cut his hair, but the muscle milk ad didn't help.  Now I'm Done.

Gay Son Chance:  33.3%

#7 - Derek Jeter

Now if you were to pick any Yankee then I think most people would pick A-Rod.  I think A-Rod is more narcissistic then homosexual though.  I've seen Derek Jeter wear a dress on SNL one too many times and the whole gold thong thing is a different story.

Gay Son Chance:  With Minka Kelly 10%, Without 60%

#6 - Serena Williams

Serena has to be on the list just because she has to be one of the most manliest dudes in professional sports.  Seriously, would you rather get into a fist fight with her or Michael Phelps?  My thoughts exactly.  This one is based on the fact that if she's like a dude then her son will be like a woman.

Gay Son Chance:  50%

#5 - Sidney Crosby

Maybe it's a Canadian thing, but I really can't think of any other 21 year old, who is one of the best athletes in his sport who would live with the owner of his team.  Maybe Sid and Mario are just really close friends, who knows?  Hopefully not too close.  Okay, being Canadian adds a little as well.

Gay Son Chance:  55%

#4 - Jeff Gordon

Now Jeff has a hot wife and all, but I've seen him rear end too many dudes to give him a pass.  Even if the rear ending was on the race track, the 24 car still seems a little shaky.  I'd watch out for a JJ (Jeff Jr.) in my rearview mirror and make sure young JJ wasn't manning my pit crew.

Gay Son Chance:  55%

#3 - Tim Tebow

Now Tim is definitely straight as an arrow; he has to be or God would condemn him.  I just think Mr. Tebow is a little too perfect and maybe he did one too many circumcisions in the Philippines.  This is going to be a case of his son being bi-curious and revolt against the traditional family values.  Tim will send him to Jesus Camp though and everything will be alright.

Gay Son Chance:  80%, After Jesus Camp 20%

#2 - Michael Phelps

Any male athlete that wears a Speedo for a living already bumps up the chance of their offspring to be gay by at least 40%.  I don't care if you're a swimmer, figure skater, WWE wrestler, or gymnast; if you're wearing a leotard then I'd be on the lookout.  Take that factoid combined with Phelps already having a speech impediment and you got a likely candidate.

Gay Son Chance:  50%, if he's a swimmer then 80%

#1 - Karl Malone

Karl Malone is the #1 person on the list for one reason; he's had so many kids out of wedlock that there has to be a gay one out there.  I think within the next five years VH1 is going to have a reality show with Karl Malone. There will be twenty contestants and he will have to guess which one he is actually the biological father for.  In the end he will be the father of all twenty.

Gay Son Chance:  99.9%